"I want to take a ride..."

"Pick me up. Let's take a ride. Let me see the city from the passenger side tonight.": This is how my last blog entry for the summer begins, not with wisdom, but with a request; a request to be picked up, to take a ride, to let me see the world from somewhere other than the driver's seat. It is perhaps about turning my will over to "the flow" more, trying less to control what is not in my reach, and finding the beautiful zen in throwing my hands up over my head and shouting "yeeeee haaaaa" at the top of my lungs...  I think today's entry is to be about trying new things and stepping outside of my comfort zone. I found a quote online that I think applies, "I have realized; it is during the times I am far outside my element that I experience myself the most."...

Baked Goods, Pt. 1: Muffins...: What a thing a year can be. A year ago today (Father's Day) my daughter was trying to make me muffins as a surprise. I could hear her from upstairs that she was struggling, and there were tears as mistakes were made down in the kitchen...  I quietly waited for my gift to arrive, hoping my daughter wouldn't throw in the towel, wouldn't give up... she didn't and they were good, both batches, each different, both good.

So last year for my last post I wrote about muffins, reflected on wisdom from Batman Begins and The Legend of Korra, and I made note that I was uploading post #43, when I was 43 years old. It was a post about falling down, getting back up and moving through the struggles that we inevitably move through...

Alfred Pennyworth: Took quite a fall, didn't we, Master Bruce?
Thomas Wayne: And why do we fall, Bruce? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.

In Season 4 of The Legend of Korra, the Avatar is suffering from the anime equivalent of PTSD. She asks the healer of her village "And ... what am I going to find if ... I get through this?" Katara, the healer, answers "I don't know. But won't it be interesting to find out?"... 

Well, 43 was a rough year for me in some ways, and the advice I hoped for my daughter should have been directed at me had I been able to see the road ahead. I fell down, I stood back up. I wondered what I was going to find "if I get through this;" I worried and stressed and raged and melted; and I grew fatigued. And as spring arrived and warmed into summer, I feel new life, I am ready to find out what there is to find...

Baked Goods, Pt. 2: Cookies...: The metaphor I need to use here lies again in baked goods, not in muffins this time, but in cookies. [Muffins are baked with love. Cookies are the reward from love.] In The Matrix, Neo goes to visit the Oracle. He is convinced he is master of his own fate and is extremely distrustful of what he will hear from an oracle. And yet he goes anyway. [Such doubt from one so sure.] Although I am not one for fate, I do revel in the symbolism of the world around me. Fate is predetermination, symbolism is what value we ascribe to the patterns we find in the chaos. I also spend a lot of time trying to stay in control of my own life. That control has caused me so many successful moments and so many failures. And it takes energy, too. It's the "trying to figure it all out" that is so draining; rehearsing the script, watching out for pitfalls, trying to make sure everyone is OK, including me, but especially the others around me. So Neo is told his good friend will sacrifice himself for Neo's life and that Neo has a choice to make:

The Oracle: Oh, don't worry about it. As soon as you step outside that door, you'll start feeling better. You'll remember you don't believe in any of this fate crap. You're in control of your own life, remember? Here, take a cookie. I promise, by the time you're done eating it, you'll feel right as rain.

The cookie is, like all other things in The Matrix, symbolic. Neo takes the cookie, but is already pondering the script. Was his choice to take the cookie ordained or free will? He missed the point entirely! It was offered out of love. It is just what it is. Much later Neo visits the Oracle again when he realizes the danger of a potentially all-knowing force in his life.

Neo: I suppose the most obvious question is, how can I trust you?
The Oracle: Bingo! It is a pickle, no doubt about it. The bad news is there’s no way if you can really know whether I’m here to help you or not. So it’s really up to you. You just have to make up your own damn mind to either accept what I’m going to tell you, or reject it. Candy?
Neo: D’you already know if I’m going to take it?
The Oracle: Wouldn’t be much of an Oracle if I didn’t.
Neo: But if you already know, how can I make a choice?
The Oracle: Because you didn’t come here to make the choice, you’ve already made it. You’re here to try to understand why you made it. I thought you’d have figured that out by now.
Neo: Why are you here?
The Oracle: Same reason. I love candy.
Neo: But why help us?
The Oracle: We’re all here to do what we’re all here to do. I’m interested in one thing, Neo, the future. And believe me, I know – the only way to get there is together.

"I want to take a ride.": I've been driving for a long time now, and may have lost my way a bit. "Fate" might just have to take the wheel while I'm seeing double; I'll still pay the tickets when we speed. I think I have often gotten stuck in the conundrum that Neo finds himself, trying to figure it all out and forgetting to just eat the cookie. So when "Fate" comes knocking, I think I'll throw my hands up over my head, yell "yeeeee haaaaa," grab that cookie if it's offered, and just try to enjoy the ride...